The house is cleaner....

Can't complain about that! Tommy and I cleaned the floors and cleaned the playroom this weekend. It was a good weekend. We had a nice evening at church and saw my parents for a little while. It really was kind of stress free. I like weekends like this. And to top it off since it's a holiday week the people at work have decided not to send my husband away this week! So he will be home every evening!!!!!! YAY! And then we will have two Thanksgiving dinners and then come home. And Tommy will have a 4 day weekend. It will be so nice. I can already see it. The house is almost in order so I'm not stressing that. I can make some Christmas cards. My favorite band will be in town this coming friday and my mom is watching the kids for us so that we can go see them. It will be our first night out together in probably a year. And we will capitalize on it for sure! I'm having a drink everybody! I think I deserve it. One drink in a year is about all I have so I'm about to work that into my one night of freedom. I'll let you all know how that goes. Since I'm working on a plan to have a night alone with my husband! WOO HOO. I'm looking forward to that. Anyways, thats all for tonight. It was a good day and now there is a clean playroom to go with that day. I'm going to curl up on the couch with my husband and youngest daughter for a while and watch some TV and maybe get to folding some clothes. As long as we can keep up on the clothes this week will stay just as good as this weekend!

Love and Hugs,

Chelley

Depression sucks....

Depression has set in around here. And it sucks. I've been unmotivated to do anything. Connor has had a headache and come to think of it, so have I. Rhiannon has been doing things that just aren't very nice to her sister. And Alanna has been peeing in her bed every night. Tommy had the glimmer of hope that he could come home this evening and that was quickly squelched when he got into work today. So the slight happiness I was feeling about him coming home early is gone as well. My Dr. and I changed my medication. It was obviously a bad idea b/c I feel like crap. I feel like I'm crashing and burning. And now that we are fixing it, it isn't fixing fast enough. I may as well be in bed with my PJ's on b/c I'm not being productive. The house is a wreck. And I don't care. I mean the laundry is up to date and there isn't stuff all over the place. But I'd like to clean my floors. And clean up the playroom. But I have no motivation to do so. I miss Tommy and so do the kids. We want him to be home and he never is. A weekend flies by so fast. So yea, I'm depressed. Plus we have no money for anything. We've been broke for a while but I can't afford to finish Christmas shopping for Connor and Alanna. It's sad when your kids Christmas suffers simply b/c you have trouble making ends meet. We finished for Rhiannon months ago but it was hard to buy for Connor and Alanna this year. Rhiannon still wants a Mr. Magoriam's Wonder Emporium sock monkey. That is the one thing we didn't get her that she wanted. We got her everything else she could want. Now we still have to worry about getting Connor the nice wood chess set with the drawer in the base. And maybe getting Alanna some disney fairy stuff. Connor also really wants a digital camera. And I've been looking at the less expensive ones but haven't been able to pick one up. Alanna has a click-start and I wanted to get her another game for it b/c she loves it. And she has a Leapster 2 that I thought she would enjoy another game for. If only Tommy's company would stop making them sit in a hotel room with nothing to do and let them make 40 hours.... or more.... it would be helpful to our budget. Ah well... that's my life today. And I actually feel a little bit better now.

Love and Hugs,
Chelley

Good News!

Will's dad has been moved to a rehab center! He is stable and doing better! This is great news. He has been in the hospital for three weeks so this is a good thing. He has been getting a little bit stronger and feeling better. He had his first radiation treatment yesterday as well. Things are looking up! I can't help but feel optimistic about what lies ahead when things are going so well right now with Will's dad. No one is allowed to pop my bubble. I'm allowed to live in it! It's making me happy right now. And we all can use some happy in these hard times. So, nyah.... that's that.

Tommy, Rhiannon and I went to the viewing for Harry, Rhiannon's great grandfather. The only thing that upset Tommy and I was that people kept saying, "Oh, this is Samantha's daughter." We didn't cause a scene and say no she's not but we both wanted to. Rhiannon is technically by birth Samantha's daughter and that's what made her related to Harry which is why we were there which is why we kept our mouths closed. No one there except Susan and Travis know the truth about what is really going on so we felt it best to not cause a scene. However, Rhiannon did call me mommy and Samantha made it clear that she didn't want to see Rhiannon so she left as soon as she was asked. Then we brought Rhiannon in. We had it planned that way since we did not want Samantha and Rhiannon to see one another. But when we found out Samantha felt the same way it just justified everything that we wrote in our letter to Susan.

We tried to be factual about it. We tried to not be attacking but honest. I don't know if that worked out but we'll find out if she ever contacts us about it. Tommy got Travis' number. That is Samantha's brother. He apparently isn't to happy with his sister either. It seems that no one in that family can deal with her either. We were received well and people were nice to us all. That was comforting I guess you could say. We are apprehensive about other meetings but are willing to try if things continue to go well.

Connor and Rhiannon got their report cards home yesterday! Connor brought home straight A's again! He is doing very well in all subjects but is still having problems focusing and staying on task without bothering friends. We are working on that. Connor's AR tests are just great! He has a 99.3 average on them. He's had 100's on all of them and a 90 on one. So he is soaring right along with them. Rhiannon brought home all B's and one A! She needs to work on time management but is doing well in all other areas! Rhiannon's AR tests are at about an 83. She is having some trouble with comprehension but we are working on getting her to bring home her library books and read them at home and at school hoping she will comprehend them better if she reads them more times. All in all the kids did very well with their report cards!

I am finishing up some swaps on swap-bot and working on feeling better. Alanna and I stayed home today. We both have a cold and are kind of losing our voices. They aren't all gone but they aren't all there either. She has been having a hard time with her sleep and sniffles so I let her sleep this morning. She slept until 10:30 and then layed on the couch with me until 11am. Then she proceeded to get on the kitchen table, naked and walk back and forth. I explained to her that she's not a stripper and she needed to get down. She said she likes being on the table. I said I don't care we don't walk on tables, get down. She got down. But really, that child just defies me to the core! It's her joy! I truly believe she thinks of ways to drive me nuts and plans them out and then does them. And when she isn't doing that, she's so exhausted, she's sleeping! But what can I say? I love her! She makes me nuts but I love her! Connor and Rhiannon too. They are my babies. They grow up too fast!

Connor will be 8 in 12 days! He is counting the days. I remember doing that. And how excited I was. I was truly thrilled when my birthday came around. I think it was for the presents, not b/c I was another year older. Now with my own kids, I dread their birthdays b/c it means they are growing up and I wish they would just stay little. I have this unnatural desire for them to stay little so I can enjoy them longer. Is that weird? Maybe not. But it actually physically depresses me to watch them grow up. I have an ache in my heart when I think about my baby being 8 years old. I think about him being born and it makes me cry. Not b/c I am not happy, I am but time has gotten away from me and I don't know where it went. And I feel like even though I'm here everyday, I'm missing the precious things in their lives. That couldn't possibly be true but I feel like it is. They just grow up too fast and time flies. I wish time would just stand still for a while.

Ah well, As I say that I also seem to be wishing away a week at a time b/c Tommy is yet again away. He is gone Monday through Friday. And being a single parent is hard. I have my mom helping me with the kids when she can but it's tough to have no one here at night with you. I miss having him here and when you are just trying to get through another day it's hard to enjoy the time you have. I need to stop doing that. I need to enjoy the time I have and work on that. Maybe Tommy will get some work in town sometime soon. It would be nice.

Anyways, not much else going on. We are just hanging out and getting through the day. Connor and I will be visiting Will's dad this afternoon. Then Connor's popcorn order came in so we have to go and get that too! And then we will be delivering those. It will be a nice night. And tomorrow too! Talk soon.

Love and Hugs,

Chelley

Another unexpected turn of events....

So Tommy got a call last night.... it was from Samantha's mother. Well that's weird b/c we haven't heard from her, her daughter or anyone in that family in almost 2 years! And it's kinda creepy to think that someone is out of your life and then realize you may have to worry about them again. I mean we have been over Samantha. She is buried and in the past for us. We are working on an adoption and a huge party which you know you are all invited to when it finally happens! It will be Rhiannon's second birthday! But ah, well you all know this already. Back to why she called.

Her father passed away. Yes, Rhiannon's great grandfather. And after much debating and talking by Tommy and myself we decided to go to the viewing as they are called down here. And then we also decided I should call Samantha's mother and talk to her. I mean I don't know her but what the hell. What could it hurt right? I don't know if she thought we would come or not but I informed her that we wanted to come. At first we thought it would be all five of us but with what is going on with Bill we are not taking Connor. And my mom offered to watch Alanna. So it will just be me, Rhiannon and Tommy. That's fine.

But me and her get to talking. And apparently just about everything that has gone on over the last 8 years(ya know including the pregnancy) Samantha has lied to her about. And I'm telling her um no, we never did that, no she never tried to do that, no that never happened, etc. And the whole conversation goes like that. Meanwhile somewhere in the middle of all this she informs me that she thought about fighting me for custody of my daughter. And I was a little surprised. I answered nicely but now that I think about it I realize that she didn't think it through. And she didn't think about the court system either. Why would she fight me? I have no legal right's to Rhiannon right now. Tommy does. All the fighting in the world would get her nowhere b/c I am the wrong person to fight. And even so, why would you want to fight her mother? I have never done anything to you. I have always taken care of Rhiannon. In fact while Samantha has been off avoiding parenthood like it's the bubonic plague I have been enjoying the pleasure of three beautiful children that I couldn't love more if I tried. I love them so much it hurts. Yes them frustrate me from time to time but what child doesn't frustrate their mommy sometimes?

So it got Tommy and I to thinking. If Samantha's mother wants any kind of relationship with Rhiannon or with us, which she said she did, then we need to set her straight. We needed to let her know what has really been going on the last 8 years. B/c we can't enter into a false situation with someone who may just decide that they are going to act on something that makes no sense. So tonight I sit down at my puter and start to type. I get 7 pages into a very informative letter. But to be honest some parts were kind of harsh and where it wasn't harsh it was kind of broken up and bounced around. Word craps out on me! I was pissed off! I told Tommy it was my draft but I didn't mean I wanted to erase it! Ok I had to start from scratch now.

I start over. And nine pages later I have what I think is a very informative yet honest letter from Tommy and I. We sat on the phone and worked through it together. Then I typed it up. It took me a long while but there were quite a few things that we felt that we needed to be clear on. Especially if we are building a relationship that has been built so far off of lies.

So we are hoping that after she sees what Rhiannon's life was like, from the view of her parents. The ones that have had to care from her from a baby.... that maybe she will see where things may have gone wrong. And maybe she can set the record straight on what we were told about her too. It's not like that lie didn't come full circle. But hey, we may find out it wasn't a lie. We don't know. It is worth the time to us to find out though. We are looking out for Rhiannon's best interests and the best interests of our whole family. And to do that we need to get to the bottom of all of this to start fresh otherwise, why bother, right??

So here's to hoping kids! Maybe we will gain a new person in our family or maybe this will be another mess to clean up. We shall see where this adventure takes us! But lets hope the adventure is worth our while! And for my childrens sake lets hope its low key. They have enough drama in their lives. If you know more, we'll chat.

Love and Hugs,
Chelley

Hard days to come....

So how do I start this? My father in law has cancer. Stage four unbeatable cancer.... It is overtaking his body very quickly for the amount of time we have known about it. When Will told me that his dad was in the hospital I was surprised but never thought it was this bad. Then we found out about the lung and spinal cancer. And to make a very long story short, then he lost motor function in his lower extremities. Paralysis was setting in. He had emergency surgery to restore function on Monday morning. It was a slight success! However, a disoriented man who dislikes being in the hospital and dislikes being sick does not want to stay there. And right now he has to. Connor, Tommy and I will be going to visit him tonight.

As I sit here and write this my kids are in the living room watching cartoons, being kids. Doing what any kids should be doing. The only real difference is that my 7 year old is learning about cancer. The ill effects of what smoking can do to your body and other bad things that we sometimes do to ourselves. I bought him two great workbooks to use that are very helpful with learning and dealing with cancer for kids of family members with cancer. Connor has been enjoying doing them and working on his feelings. He has some great ideas! And keeping his spirits up is what matters right now. If I have to watch my son deal with this I will do what I can to ease his pain and suffering.

For those of you who don't know this person I speak of... he is wonderful, kind and loving. He has truly been a kind soul throughout his life. He has helped countless people through their very own loss and now we must help one another through what is to come. I know I cannot rely on anyone else to make me feel better but I can try and and talk through my hurt so that I can be there for my son. It is just a hard road to navigate especially while teaching a child about disease and dying. I truly hope that everyone who this post touches is in good health today! And please cherish the time you have with the people you love. It sometimes ends far quicker than you ever expected, without much warning and leaving a wake of destruction in it's path.

Even if he cannot be there, we are planning a very happy event in January. Our family baptism! We are working on getting a few people here so that the kids can have godparents but we have run into some hiccups. It seems that bad things are happening everywhere. Either way myself and the kids (and maybe even Tommy) will be getting baptized in January. It will be an event I have looked forward to for quite some time! All three of my children will finally be officially walking with God and in the grace of Jesus. I really am happy about this. There has been a lot of turmoil surrounding our lives over the last year and there is obviously more to come in the next few months, however there is this glimmer of light that I can hang onto.

I hope each of you have a glimmer of light. I know right now I need that glimmer. Smile and hope for the best!

Love and Hugs,

Chelley

A new day and a new president!

I have to say... in our home we are very excited about the turn of events that happened in yesterdays history. It was literally history! And I am so proud to say that it was my very first time ever to vote, I voted for the right guys and he won! Yay! I think that this will be a good thing. People can make whatever accusations that they want but in the end, we needed a change.... it will be a good thing for our country to have a change. 8 freaking years of the guy who should have come out in the 10 gallon hat, spurs and a six shooter are coming to an end and I couldn't be happier for that.(I will thank Will for that little funny anecdote.) He may have done some things worth writing home about but in the long run he continued to make war and kill innocent people. I think that every few years you need to change it up and shake the nation to it's core.... HELLO OBAMA! Welcome to the presidency. I hope you do us proud.... we could use some goos old proud around here. And some honesty and some hope. You're it, make it happen!

So my wonderful 7 year old son was thrilled that Obama won. My 31 year old husband cried like a baby that Obama won. My ex-husband was clearly thrilled that history is in the making. And me, I am just happy for a change. A change I believe is for the better.

Rhiannon and I have our eye Dr. appt. tomorrow morning. We have to take Alanna to school and rush to the eye Dr. I then get to pay $80 for us both to see the Dr. And tell us we both need new glasses. Thanks for that Mr. I would have never known without his expertise that I'm like a blind bat and that my daughter is getting there too! She tried to hide it and trips over her own feet every other step! I just need the scrip. But no, I have to have our eyes puffed and dialated and then tested twice. Once we are done with that they will give us that magical piece of paper that will in the end cost me $100 for Rhiannon and $180 for me. Since we cannot afford glasses at all we will get Rhiannon's tomorrow b/c she now has none. Both pairs broke. Her regular pair and her older pair that she was wearing as back-up. So I have to find the $100 but my daughter comes first and we are determined for her to not go another day without glasses. We know where to get them inexpensive however that may mean waiting 2 weeks. I hate to do that to her but we need to be cost effective and do waht's right for her. We'll work it out. Then comes my turn. Maybe I will get glasses for Christmas! We shall see! Anyways.... that's our day in a nutshell!

Hugs and Love!

Chelley